Heartbeat

The ten years waiting, i was telling you about, is to have a child.
Today i saw his tiny heart beating... that brought me to tears...
After all that emotion a new one appeard as i asked the mother if she was counting on me to support her and to love our baby in any way---> She said i do not know. With a kind of certain like if i where just a part of the equation and was not needed anymore. My heart is more than broken, i do believe for a fact he dissapered in an explosion of sadness, as a drove all the way home crying...
Listening to This Mortal Coil - Song to the Siren from the album Till it Ends in Tears...

Brake it like glass

How does it feel?
How does it feel to you?
How come a ten year old dream crumbles apart when it seems to finally start to take form in front of you?
How does it eludes you and escape from your eyes when it’s just there within your grasp?
Is it just a sick joke that is told by someone from above?
Is it fate?
Is part of your destiny that dreams do not come true, so that you always keep striving for them?
What is it?
What is its purpose in your life? Or in anybody lives?
Let yourself fall in love.
Let yourself get tangled in dreams together.
Let your heart beat as if it were part of that someone you love.
How can you love someone who does not concern about the worst or least of your problems?
It seemed like everything would somehow fit into place, maybe you would find a way to deal with all that…. After all a baby is in fact nothing more that an extension of your body and soul. It is something that you hope and dream. You know in your deepest thoughts you want to give him everything. Everything you have to give. When you both fall into the water you save your last breathe to give it to his mouth so that we may live for some more seconds.

Should I stay with her even though? Let her play me like a dart, so that I get throne wherever she wants? To fall helpless whenever she finds fit?
You may get a better experience reading this while listenning to Peter Murphy´s "My Last Two Weeks"